In casual relationships, we stop answering text messages or provide short, uninterested answers. We say we’re busy for the next couple of weeks. We say we’re busy forever. I used to say, “I just don’t like hurting people.” I would then phase people out accordingly or slowly distance myself from them emotionally, which was easier on my conscience but far harder on my exes. I’ve since realized that sure, I don’t like hurting people—but what’s really happening is that I don’t like guilt and anxiety and conflict, so I ignore or avoid the “problem” to gain the illusion that “it’s” (they’ve) gone away. And the reality is that they might go away, but they do so wondering what the heck just happened (and sometimes send a string of angry text messages). Thus, the No. 1 tip for breaking up with someone is to actually break up with them. If you can’t do it face to face, do it over text message, email, or Facebook Chat. This is better than a phaseout or ghosting. Communicate. Let’s change the culture from the all-or-nothing face-to-face or disappearing act to make space for the means in-between. Your ex will thank you, and you’ll appreciate it when you’re on the other end in the future. And here are some runner-up points to help with the transition: And remember this:
