Although you’re probably not asking someone about their MBTI before a first date, knowing it can be a shortcut to more information about a potential partner’s personality. Let’s dive into some of the basics on Myers-Briggs relationship compatibility. Extroversion/introversion speaks to how you get your energy. Enlivened by crowds, parties, and spending time with others? You’re likely an extrovert. If you prefer to re-energize through quiet time and solitary pursuits, introversion probably describes you better. Most of us are probably a mix of the two, but your type depends on which one you tend to gravitate toward more. Sensing/intuition is your style of information gathering. More factual and detail-oriented? That suggests sensing. Acting on intuition means you tend to lean more toward abstract thinking and interpretation. Thinking/feeling is all about decision making. Logical, fact-based decisions are a sign of thinking, while feeling is concentrated on values, emotions, and relationships. Judging/perceiving looks at how you tend to approach your life. All about structure, schedules, and clear expectations? You’re judging. Flexibility, spontaneity, and the art of the possible are hallmarks of the perceiving type. For example, I did a quick review of the descriptions for myself and couldn’t decide between these two: “ENFJ: Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership. “INFP: Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened. Forceful in presenting their ideas.” Notice that I chose both an extroversion and an introversion type. How can that be? When I completed the actual test, I’m an ENFJ but just barely. My extroversion/introversion answers are split almost down the middle, and the same is true for my intuition/sensing and judging/perceiving dimensions. The only clear-cut consistency is in thinking/feeling. Another word of caution: Not everyone is a whole-hearted fan of the MBTI. There’s a camp of psychologists who believe the 16 different personality types aren’t a comprehensive, reliable determination of personality. Ideally, taking a psychological test one day and repeating it six or 12 months later should give pretty similar results, but that doesn’t always hold true with the MBTI. However, most of us can agree that information like that presented in the MBTI type can help us focus on areas of personal growth over time. On the other side of the spectrum, differences in extroversion/introversion may cause the most conflict in long-term relationships. Opposites in this dimension may really enjoy each other in the beginning, but over the long haul, the stay-home-vs.-go-out debate can result in repeated friction. In a similar vein, an INFP is often all about personal values. When their partner is in tune with those values, everything’s golden. But an ESTJ (practically oriented with clear logical standards) might pose a problem by needing to be right, prompting a stand-off between values and standards. Overall, some overlap in MBTI type may help ease the way, but before you narrow your search to the “best” type match for you, remember that mutual respect, good communication, common interests, and a strong friendship are still the best predictors of a successful relationship. Another fun area to apply your Myers-Briggs type? Home design. Here are a few ideas for further expressing your personality in your space. Hallett is also an executive coach, host of the Be Awesome podcast, and author of two books. She’s passionate about stress reduction and self-care. Access her free guide to being stress smart and becoming your own best friend.
