However, instead of taking the temporary, fix-it, Band-Aid approach, it can be much more beneficial to take a kinder and more sustainable route. By taking a closer look at what it is, where it stems from, and how it looks in action, we can start to work through the techniques and tools available to us so we can start taking our power back and living life on our own terms. Let’s dig in. People-pleasing behaviors take on the shape of self-neglect and disregard for ourselves in order to please, cater, and accommodate others. In turn, we feel a sense of approval and are soothed by the positive attention we receive. Unfortunately, it often comes at the expense of our own preferences, wants, needs, and overall well-being. In fact, it frequently leaves us feeling downright resentful and like a doormat. And it still makes sense, especially when we consider that people-pleasers were once parent-pleasers (and might still be). When we look at where these tendencies and behaviors originated, more than likely we can trace them back to childhood. The overwhelming need to please often develops as a coping mechanism for connecting with parental figures that may only provide love under certain conditions. This is often the case with an authoritarian parenting style, which prioritizes obedience, discipline, and where mistakes are not tolerated and heavily punished. The child learns that in order to avoid punishment and receive some sort of love or care, they must be perfect, follow the rules to a tee, and ultimately do everything in their power to please the caregiver. This behavior, just like in prehistoric times, follows the same logic: do what works, and play nice to get your needs met. Unfortunately, what once worked and allowed us to stay afloat in our childhood doesn’t always translate as helpful adulting behaviors. This is especially the case when the behaviors are causing a strain in our day-to-day life and affecting our quality of life. As you’re learning how to stop people-pleasing, remember to have patience with yourself throughout the process. It won’t be easy. And it’s a good thing we can do hard things. Looking to incorporate her love of nutrition into her scope of practice, she received her holistic health coach certification from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, and she is also a certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. As the host of the “Mind Meets Body” podcast, Maria likes to explore and redefine health by discussing the emotional, mental, and spiritual components that are often left out of the exercise/nutrition centric mainstream definition. Maria is originally from Venezuela and currently resides in Miami where she provides professional relationship therapy services for both couples and individuals that are designed to assist through life transitions, setting better boundaries, processing and healing from relationship-related trauma, painful post-relationship journeys, and more.
