I know that nobody has ever triggered me more than my best friend Dennis. Dennis and I adore each other, but we tend to inadvertently stick needles into each other’s wounds. These triggered moments are both healing and painful. They create opportunities for us to heal, rather than avoid, our core wounds. But, oh man, can they hurt. Put this eight-step plan into action the next time your significant other says something demeaning, your mother criticizes you, or your boss gets angry at you: Do you feel angry? Sad? Hurt? Disappointed? Release all judgment. Welcome and feel deeply whatever feeling arises. Don’t resist it—allow it to take you over. Pay attention to the familiarity of the feeling. Can you pinpoint when you first felt like this? Very often, when the trigger feels magnified, a childhood wound is being needled. See if you can recall an experience from childhood that made you feel similar to how you’re feeling in the triggered moment. If you notice any old memories that might be inflaming your emotional response to whatever just happened, be aware that you may be projecting some of your childhood wounds onto the current situation. Perhaps something arose that triggered old memories and old patterns that are now playing out again. This doesn’t mean you don’t have a genuine beef with the person who triggered you, but very often, you can see that your emotions have escalated because you’re hooked into old feelings and patterns that may or may not have anything to do with the person who triggered them. While your mind might still be playing its story, actively remind your heart that you actually care for and love the person who is triggering you. Remember that we’re all connected on some cosmic level. While feeling love, you can now notice any tendency you have to blame, judge, or criticize. Notice any righteousness that casts you as “right” and the other as “wrong.” Listen to the person who triggered you from this honest, openhearted, vulnerable space. Try asking yourself a few questions:
