And yet, it often feels like a weird taboo—even though most people are doing it. Most people have never really learned how to do it, why it’s good for us, and what a healthy masturbation practice even looks like. Instead, it’s typically done in secret, coated in a thick layer of shame, and often becomes a confusing topic of conversation when we enter into romantic relationships with other people. You’re likely here because you’re now embarking on developing a masturbation practice. Maybe you’re new to the game, or maybe this isn’t your first rodeo. Wherever you are, here are some helpful tips to get the ball rolling and some insight into why your masturbation practice is important—because it really, really is: If you feel any type of way about masturbating other than hell yeah, it might help to ask yourself these questions: The thing is, masturbating will feel more exciting if we are approaching ourselves with curiosity, warmth, and sexual self-esteem instead of feeling like it’s just another chore to check off the list. So try to take your time. Approach yourself with curiosity, intentionality, and love. Because most of us weren’t taught self-love, we might think it’s weird or selfish to be romantic with ourselves. In truth, though, it’s so fun to create a cozy, spicy setting for ourselves, too! Beyond just taking your clothes off and standing in front of the mirror, get up close and personal with yourself. Take a mirror down to your bits and really check them out. If you feel comfortable, touch your bits while looking in the mirror so you have an idea of where everything that feels good is located. This also comes in handy anytime you may have partnered sex because you know exactly what feels good and where it is. (If you have a vulva, read our guide on all the different types, here, to get to know yours better.) We weren’t taught to appreciate our bodies or even get to know them. We were taught to critique them, “fix them,” and “look good” for others. This mentality not only separates us from our bodies, but it creates some deep feeling that our bodies aren’t really ours. But guess what? Your body is yours. It is for your pleasure, your self-exploration, and your appreciation. The more we learn to love and appreciate our bodies, the easier it will become to give them adoration and attention—and to truly accept love and adoration from others. So seriously, get naked and check yourself out! Oftentimes, when we have a new partner, there is something so exciting about getting to know their body. We want to understand it and know it. We should take that same energy into discovering our own bodies. Whip out your toy or your hand and just explore. Take your time touching different areas, trying different strokes and styles of touch, and just have fun experimenting. Your body is worth exploring—promise. (And remember: If you’re in a monogamous relationship, it is not cheating to think about another person while masturbating or even having sex. This is a natural human experience.) For the basics of how to masturbate, here are some specific techniques to get started with: If you’re someone who usually masturbates in places of convenience (like in bed or in the shower), try masturbating somewhere new. If you live with roommates and don’t feel comfortable doing so, try a new position. Sometimes it can feel silly to do this, but remember: Masturbating is sexy time with yourself! You deserve to mix it up and enjoy your personal sex life. Here are some ways to do that: Develop a skin care routine, take a bath, slather yourself in lotion, do some yoga, or do something that makes you feel connected with your skin and body. We don’t often slow down to do things with our bodies intentionally. Finding ways to be deliberately intimate with our bodies is an excellent way to encourage ourselves to keep up with our self-care routine and masturbation routine. Even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first, you’ll more than likely end up enjoying it. There are so many benefits of masturbation, both physically and mentally. So get out of here and have some fun with you! Rachel has been featured widely in the media, including on Cheddar TV and PIX 11 (NYC); as a regular contributor to SHAPE, INSIDER, mindbodygreen, InStyle, The Dipp, and Well & Good; and in Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, NBC News Radio, Huffington Post, and hundreds of other outlets. She has brought her message to stages across the globe, was SHAPE Magazine’s Sex Relationships Coach, and created the virtual workshop series What You Wish You Learned in School: Sex Ed, and she is currently one of mindbodygreen’s article review experts. She also recently did a show at Green Room 42 in NYC called “One Night Stand: A Night for Sexier & Healthier Broadway.” Rachel lives in New York and loves live theatre so much. You can probably find her in PJs eating gluten-free food with one of her partners if she’s not working! Learn more at www.rachelwrightnyc.com or connect in her cozy corner of Instagram, @thewright_rachel.
